S.P.M, what they say " SPM bukan segala-galanya, tapi segala-galanya bermula dari SPM " . My life in school will come to an end. I don't know how to describe this feeling; scared, sad, restless, worried, fret, fitful, anxiety, tempted. Everything at the same time. Five years of learning, now it will determine everything.

Honestly, the most dominant feeling that i have inside my heart  right now is scared. Based on my trial result, i have let down a lot of people around me especially my parents and my brothers. They have given me support, everything i wanted or needed will be full fill by them. They have waste thousands of money just for the sake of my spm. How many As did i gave them back ? I am so pathetic and ungrateful to them. I feel so guilty and i wanna die :( I feel like i am the most worst person in the whole wild world. Not just i didn't repay them back with good grades, sometimes i lied to them. I feel so restless thinking about all of this stuff. I'm so un-useful. I'm the most luckiest person on earth, I have people who love and support me full time.

Mom and Dad have never stop supporting me. Abang Jed will always send me money for my anykind of need. Abang Di and Abang E never complain that they have to send me to tuition 3 times a week. I never study when i'm at home. I rarely do my homework. Not really learning. WHAT KIND OF PITIFUL PERSON AM I ? This is worst that being a bitch in school. Plus, with dad's company in jeopardy and i'm still fooling around. Going out with friends, shop like Paris Hilton.

I wanna make them proud, but i can't carry on like this. Poor them, who have sacrifice a lot for me. Is it too late ? humm. Dear students, out there.. especially if you're form 4. Study well, and don't ever lose focus and doing something that is such a waste of time. Time wait for no man, today you had fun wasting it, tomorrow you regret everything. Don't end up like me.

Now, I will do everything i can for the sake of SPM. To pay my family back, with good grades. Idk if its impossible. but i will strive hard. Who ever read this, please pray the best for me x

Love Always,
Hanis Evelyn xx