#np Where Have You Been by Rihanna

" I don't need a boyfriend " , said it a gazillion times this year. Too bad, my heart won't agree with my mind. It's not like i badly needed it, i can live without a boyfriend. Just that, I'm too eager to hve that someone special listening to me, care about me and so on. I have friends, but they mostly not around me at home. Boyfriend is that special someone who will ask " how's your day " " what did you have for lunch? " and also wishing you goodnight and goodmorning. These little things that friends won't do. Are the things that would i crave for. I had a boyfriend before, yes he do all those things. But things are just not meant to be. I don't want to go back and fighting for the same old thing. They say, it's like reading your favorite book all over again. You will be happy, but you know exactly how it will end.

Can i admit it ? I AM DESPERATE. I used to have that special someone. Now, he's gone. I kinda miss it. I guess this explain, my whole lunatic scenes of falling for guys. I need that guy, he's out there somewhere.... i know it. I just have to wait, but this waiting is so painful ? idk how to explain all of this shit. Yet another reason, i think i'm jealous of my surrounding. They seem so special, i know that feeling. That joy part in your life.

But ya know what, I've been single for 9 months. and a year is about to end. Also, SPM is getting closer. I can live with it, for 9 months. yeah, i can do this :) I think god is really fair. If i ever have a boyfriend right now, my mind would'nt be focus for SPM.

Love Always,
Hanis Evelyn xx